my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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