I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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