I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
