Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
