I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
