so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
