yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
