I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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