There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
