Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
