I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If that was your dad, he is hot
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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