She announced her abortion via fbk
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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