that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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