He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
