No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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