Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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