Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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