Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
