so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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