Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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