So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
