i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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