I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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