No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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