I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
