do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
