Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
