So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
