sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
