between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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