just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
