Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Even my vagina gasped.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
