If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
