Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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