The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
