do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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