Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
