it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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