Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
