I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
