there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
