so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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