ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
