i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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