a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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