hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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