the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
