His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
