I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize