We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
