too bad you live with your parents still
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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