ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
