Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
