Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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