Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
