worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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