My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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