Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
