Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
