Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
