well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
