drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
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It's rum buckets o'clock
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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