true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
