I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
