Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
