Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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