I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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