All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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