So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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