can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
