I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
