actually, I'm a sock model
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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