I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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