if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
