I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
